Oratory

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, and fellow inhabitants of Nova Institute, I hope you are not listening to this while dating six boys simultaneously like last time. If you know, you know.

Ah, the modern world. A place where we can order food with a single click yet spend hours waiting for it to be delivered. In a world where we have more information than ever before, we still manage to be confused about whether or not to bring an umbrella on a cloudy day. It's a world where we can communicate instantaneously with people halfway across the globe yet struggle to make small talk with our neighbors.

Let's start with technology, shall we? We live in an age where smartphones have more computing power than the Apollo spacecraft that took us to the moon. But what do we do with this incredible technology? We use it to take pictures of our food and share them with strangers on the internet because nothing says progress like showing off a perfectly arranged plate of avocado toast.

Speaking of the internet, it's a place where cat videos reign supreme and keyboard warriors roam freely. Social media has become a virtual battlefield, where we fight over the most trivial of matters, like whether pineapple belongs on pizza or if it's acceptable to wear socks with sandals. And don't get me started on the algorithms that determine what we see. Apparently, the internet knows us better than we know ourselves; according to my feed, I love baby animals and conspiracy theories about lizard people – so maybe it's not too far off.

Oh, social media, the great disruptor of social norms! It's like a Wild West of virtual chaos where social conventions go to die... or at least get a serious makeover. Gone are the days of sending handwritten letters or making phone calls to catch up with friends. Now, we have the privilege of stalking them online and liking their posts from the comfort of our toilets. Ah, progress!

But let's talk about how social media is changing the dating game. Remember when asking someone out required courage, charm, and possibly a bouquet of flowers? Well, forget all that nonsense! Nowadays, you can just slide into someone's DMs with a simple "Hey, you up?" and hope for the best. It's like a high-stakes game of digital roulette, where rejection is just a click away. Swipe right, swipe left, swipe... wait, why am I swiping my credit card? Oh, that's just to buy virtual roses for my virtual crush. Love in the age of social media, folks!

And let's not forget about the rise of the selfie. Selfies have become the currency of validation, the ultimate measure of self-worth. We've become so obsessed with capturing the perfect angle and using the most flattering filter that we've practically become contortionists in our quest for online approval. 

However, perhaps the most absurd social norm that social media has birthed is the art of oversharing. Remember when privacy was a thing? Yeah, me neither. Now, it's all about broadcasting every mundane detail of our lives to an audience of strangers. "Just had a sandwich for lunch. #Blessed." Wow, riveting stuff, Karen. 

And don't get me started on AI! With those fancy algorithms and lightning-fast calculations, we've turned our world upside down in the most ridiculous ways. Gone are the days of human error, replaced by the infamous "lol, autocorrect!" Don't even get me started on Siri's sassy attitude and refusal to understand my perfectly clear commands. It's like having a teenage robot in my pocket, rolling its electronic eyes at my every request. But hey, at least AI has given us some entertainment. Who knew that watching robots attempting to dance like humans would become a popular pastime? Last week, I asked an AI, "Tell me a joke," and it said: "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!". I asked for it to be light-hearted, then I asked for it to be funnier, and in return, I got the same awful dad joke.  

Politics, ah yes, the world of politics. It's a realm where politicians promise the moon and deliver... well… not the moon. It's a world where tweets carry more weight than policy papers, and debates resemble reality TV shows. If you think politicians are solely to blame, think again. We're so divided that we can't even agree on the color of a dress – is it black and blue or white and gold? -  let alone find common ground on the big issues. Trump and his signature hairstyle seemingly defy gravity (and logic), and Biden is so forgetful that he forgot what he forgot about. But hey, at least we can all unite in our shared disdain for those automated customer service lines. Press one for frustration. Press two for despair.

Now, let's talk about the economy. It's a complex system that seems to be governed by a mystical force called "supply and demand." We work tirelessly to earn money, only to spend it on things we don't need. We buy things to make us happy, only to realize that true happiness can't be found in a shopping cart. Yet, the dog cologne on TikTok is mighty appealing, even though I don't have a dog. 

Oh, and also all those people attempting de-dollarization! In a world where the almighty dollar reigns supreme, people's attempts at de-dollarization can often resemble a comical circus act. 

First, we have the "Coin Collectors." These individuals believe that the key to de-dollarization lies in the power of shiny metal discs. They fervently collect every coin they come across, hoping that one day, their massive stash will somehow overthrow the dollar's dominance. As they proudly display their collections, we can't help but wonder if they're secretly auditioning for a role in "Pirates of the Caribbean."

Next up, we have the "Barter Brigade." These folks are determined to bring back the good old days of trade and bartering. They scoff at the idea of using currency and instead opt for an exchange of goods and services. Picture them trying to buy a latte at a coffee shop by offering a chicken or two hours of dog walking. It's like watching a scene from a sitcom, complete with bewildered baristas and confused customers.

Then, there are the "Crypto Crusaders." Armed with their digital wallets and a belief in the power of blockchain technology, these individuals think cryptocurrencies hold the key to dethroning the dollar. They speak a language that sounds like a mix of computer code and ancient hieroglyphics, leaving the rest of us scratching our heads and wondering if they've accidentally stumbled upon the secret to time travel.

I say these things in jest, but cynicism is in the air we breathe. It's like a hobby for some people, a sport even. You know those folks who can turn a sunny day into a rainstorm just by looking at it? Gone is the glass half-full half-empty scenario. Now we have people who think, "Oh, great, I have to do the dishes." 

But let's not forget the sarcastic remarks that come with cynicism. They have a way of making you question your every move. You say, "I'm going to the gym today," and they reply, "Sure, and I'm going to win the lottery." You tell them you're starting a new business, and they say, "Good luck with that. I hear the market for unicorn tears is booming." It's like they have a never-ending supply of snarky comments waiting to be unleashed.

But let's not forget our love for all things alternative. We've managed to turn protesting into an Olympic sport. Forget about running marathons or doing gymnastics; people train to hold signs and shout slogans. They stand on boxes that once held organic avocados while denouncing the work conditions for illegal aliens. 

But amidst all the chaos and contradictions, there's something incredible about the world we live in today. It's a place where dreams can become a reality, and we can find beauty in the strangest of places. That is, if by dreams you mean finishing your 12-minute-long Labor Day speech homework, and by reality, you mean procrastinating and doing it just now. And if by beauty, you mean those way overpriced lipsticks that break in an instant, and by unexpected places, you mean the bathroom at 3 in the morning.

Thank you, and next time, someone please remind me to check for homework over a break.